Easy Ways to Die

  

Laught out loud

 

  

  

3 Easy Ways to Die :

Take a Cigar daily –

You will die 10 years early.

Drink Rum daily –

 You will die 30 years early.

Love Someone Truly –

You will die daily.

1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells

her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage –

Drink whenever you are SAD

After Marriage –

Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone

2. Tele-Vision

3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER –

Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..

4.. Love your friends not their sisters.

Love your sisters not their friends.

6.. Let us be generous like this :

 Four Ants are moving through a forest.

They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.

Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..

Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend –

You are missing SOME thing in your life.

If you HAVE a Girl Friend –

You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS,

PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.

Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness –

Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

10. Why Government do NOT

allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.

Because per Constitution,

you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

 

  

  

tengkp

QUICK LAUGH FOR 6 MINS

 
Teacher       : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.

 
Student        : Please teacher, I don’t think I want to study history.

Teacher       : Why?

 
Student        : There is no future in it.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Teacher       : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted              : $10.

Teacher       : You don’t know maths.

Ted              : You don’t know my father!

………… ……… ……… ……… …….. ……… ……… …….. ………… ………

Mother        : David, come here.

David           : Yes, mum?

Mother        : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David           : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother        : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

……….. ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……. ……… ……… ………

Father      : Why did you fail your mathematics test?

 
Son          : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father      : So?

Son          : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can’t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. ……… ……… ………

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter   : It’s mummy!

Father      : How do you know?

Daughter   : She didn’t say anything.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… ………

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… ………

Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… ………

Waiter: I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.

 
Customer: Don’t tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… ………

 

 

Teacher     : Simon, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did u copy his?

Simon        : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… ………

 

Father      : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son          : That’s why I say she’s no good!

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… ………

 

Teacher: “Where were u born?”

Student: “Singapore, Sir.”

Teacher: “Which part?”

Student: “All of me, Sir.”

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… ………

A teacher was asking her class:

“What is the difference between ‘unlawful’ and ‘illegal’?” Only one hand shot up.

“Ok, answer, Joan” said the teacher.

“unlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn’t allow and ‘illegal’ is a sick eagle.”

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… ………

Teacher: “How come you do not comb your hair?”

Ah Kow: “No comb, Sir.”

Teacher: “Use your dad’s then.”

Ah Kow: “No hair, Sir.”

………… ……… ……… ……… ……… ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… ………

A boy came home from school with his exam results.

“What did u get?” asked his father.

“My marks are under water,” said the boy.

“What do u mean ‘under water’?”

“They are all below ‘C’ (sea) level”