Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Chinese Philosophy with a touch of humour

December 9, 2010

Chinese Philosophy…

with a touch of humour…

how true!

What Confucious will say today………

沒錢的時候,在馬路上騎自行車;
有錢的時候,在客廳裡騎自行車。
When without money, ride bicycle;
When have money, ride exercise machine.
 

沒錢的時候,想結婚;
有錢的時候,想離婚。
When without money, wish to get married;
When have money, wish to get divorced.

沒錢的時候,老婆兼秘書;
有錢的時候,秘書兼老婆。
When without money, wife becomes secretary;
When have money, secretary becomes wife
.

沒錢的時候,假裝有錢;
有錢的時候,假裝沒錢。
When without money, act like rich man;
When with money, act like poor man.

啊,都不講實話:
Man, O Man, never tells the truth:


說股票是毒品,都在玩;
說金錢是罪惡,都在撈;
Says sharemarket is bad but keeps speculating;
Says money is evil but keeps
accumulating.

說美女是禍水,都想要;
說高處不勝寒,都在爬;
Says women are trouble-makers but keeps desiring them;
Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.


說煙酒傷身體,就不戒;
說天堂最美好,都不去!!!
Says smoking & drinking is bad but keeps partaking;
Says heaven is good but
refused to go.  
 
過去把第一次留給丈夫;
現在把第一胎留給丈夫。
In the past, woman gives man their virginity;
Now, woman gives man their newborn baby

鄉下早晨雞叫人,
城裡晚上人叫雞;
In the rural area, chicken calls man awake;
In the cities, man calls for chickens
.

舊社會戲子賣藝不賣身,
新社會演員賣身不賣藝。
In the past, famous actresses will not sell their bodies;
Now, actresses will sell their bodies to become famous
 

人生是什麼?
What is life about?
 


1
歲時出場亮相
At one, YOU are the top priority

10 歲時功課至上
At ten, academic excellence is the top priority

20 歲時春心盪漾
At twenty, getting laid is the top priority

30 歲時職場對抗
At thirty, a good career is top priority

40 歲時身材發胖
At forty, keeping your body in shape is top priority

50 歲時打打麻將
At fifty, beating others at mahjong is top priority

60 歲時老當益壯
At sixty, keeping IT up is top priority

70 常常健忘
At seventy, remembering something is top priority

80 歲時搖搖晃晃
At eighty, moving around is top priority

90 歲時迷失方向
At ninety, knowing directions is top priority

100 歲時掛在牆上
At 100, having your portrait on the wall is top priority!


祝大家愉快,好好做人!
Wishing you all happiness! Be good!

Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Husbands

December 9, 2010

Released by Society for Prevention

of Cruelty to Husbands. 

Different Phases of a man:

 
After engagement:      Superman
After Marriage:             Gentleman
After 10 years:                Watchman
After 20 years:              Doberman

There is only one perfect child in the world and every Mother has it.

There is only one perfect wife in the world and every Neighbour has it

——— ——— ———
Man receives telegram:

Wife dead – should be buried or Cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

——— ——— ———
Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!

——— ——— ———
Fact of life:

One woman brings you into this world crying &
The other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your Life!
  

 
 

  

——— ——— ———
Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn’t spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!

——— ——— ———
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said,
“I’ve found a man just like father!”
Mother replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”

 ———— ——— ——— ———

 Prospective husband:

Do you have a book called

“Man, The Master of Women”?
 

Sales girl:

The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

——— ——— ——— ———   

The world’s thinnest book has only one word written in it:

“Everything” 

 
and the book is titled:

“What Women Want!”

  

——— ——— ——— ———  

A man who surrenders when he’s WRONG, is HONEST.

A man who surrenders when he’s NOT SURE, is WISE.

 A man who surrenders when he’s RIGHT, is a HUSBAND

 

——— ——— ——— ———

Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot and spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands are like Plain RICE, eaten when there`s no choice