Archive for the ‘Where are the brakes?’ Category

Where are the brakes?

November 11, 2009

My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails.

She started doing YOGA to treat the problem.

Soon her finger-nails started growing normally.

Seeing this, I asked if yoga had totally cured her problem.

“No,” she replied with a funny sweet smile,

“but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.”

Judge asks a little Kid:

Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?

Kid: No, my mummy beats me.

Judge:  Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.

Kid: No, my daddy beats me too.

Judge: Well then, who do you want to live with?

Kid: I want to live with the Indian Cricket team,

they never beat anybody.

Dexter had just returned from two weeks of vacation.

He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married.

“What!” shouted the boss?

“I can’t give you more time now. Why didn’t you get married while you were off?”

“Are you nuts?” replied Dexter.

“That would have ruined my whole vacation.

The wheel of my grocery cart was making a horrible scraping sound as I rolled it through the supermarket.

When I finished my shopping,

I saw a cart less woman,

and offered it up, explaining,

“It makes an awful noise, but it works.”

“That’s okay,” she said, taking it.

“I have a husband at home just like that.

Due to an experimental medical technique,

a 90-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home,

her relatives came to visit.

“May we see the baby?” one asked.

“Not yet,” said the mother,

“I’ll make coffee for all of you and then you can play with the baby for a while.”

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked,

“May we see the new baby now?”

“No, not yet,” said the mother.

After another half hour had elapsed, they asked again,

“May we see the baby now?”

“No, not yet,” replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked,

“Well, when CAN we see the baby?”

“When it cries,” she told them.

“WHEN IT CRIES?” they exclaimed.

“Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”

“Because I forgot where I put him.

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady

while waiting with his mother

in the doctor’s office. 

 He inquisitively asked the lady,

“Why is your stomach so big?”

She replied, “I’m having a baby.”

With big eyes, he asked,

“Is the baby in your stomach?”

She answered, “He sure is.”

Then the little boy,

with a puzzled look, asked,

“Is it a good baby?”

She said, “Oh, yes.  It’s a real good baby.”

With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked,

“Then why did you eat him?

A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway.

While passing a car, he knocks on the window.

The driver of the car opens the window, “Yes?”

“Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?”

“No I haven’t.”

The biker drives on, until he sees the next car.

While passing it, he knocks on the window.

The driver of the car opens the window: “Yes?”

“Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?”

“No I haven’t.”

Then suddenly there is a curve,

 the biker sees it too late.

He crashes off the road into a ditch.

 A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker.

Covered in blood, the biker asks,

 “Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?”


 

The biker says,

“Tell me, where are the brakes?

 

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