Posts Tagged ‘laught out loud’

Chinese way

November 23, 2011

I did it my way

An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”

As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Chinese covered his face and the trio ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face rather than his private part.The Chinese replied, “I don’t know about you……. but in my country, it’s the face that people recognize.”
 

Now do you understand why people always say Chinese people want FACE?

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DURIAN JOKE

September 3, 2010

DURIAN JOKE ….here goes:

I was looking at a bunch durians and told the taukey:

“Penangites are interesting …”

The taukey ask:

“what do you mean?”

I said:

“don’t you think so, the names of these durian are cool”

The taukea smiled and proudly said:

“Do you wanna try ling-fung-jiao, it looks small, but it has this strong aroma. If not do you wanna try ling-qing-xia? not only it looks good, it taste bitter sweet.”

I said:

“alrite! alrite! lets try 2 of each”

Honestly after trying them , they do indeed tasted not bad at all. And then the taukea said:

“Do you wanna try our latest durian brand?”

I said: “You have new brands too!”

“Yes! This new brand is called Koh Tsu Khoon.”

I was amazed and ask:

“What is so special about this one?”

“This brand is actually not very special, but it has something that all other brand doesn’t have.”

“Err! and what is that?”

The taukea smiled and said:

“That is because this brand is BO HOOD(tak adak biji)”

ha ha ha haw haw haw!!!

 

Titanic

June 29, 2010

Titanic

An American Jew enters into a bar and sees a Chinese guy having a beer. He walks over and gives the Chinese guy a huge back hander which lays the poor guy out on the floor.
“What was that for?”, says the Chinaman.
“That”, says the Jew, “Was for bombing Pearl Harbour you bastards!”
The poor Chinese guy is lost. He says “Hey wait, I’m Chinese, not Japanese; it was the Japanese that bombed Pearl Harbour.”
The Jew says “Chinese, Japanese, you’re all the same to me.” So the Chinaman gives the American Jew a huge back hander that lays him out on the floor. The Jew is shocked.
“What was that for?”
“That was for sinking the Titanic”
“The Titanic!”, says the Jew. “The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!”
And the Chinese says “Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you’re all the same to me!”

 

 

The Butcher

June 29, 2010

In The Butcher’s Shop

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”
“I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”

 

Genie’s Wishes

June 29, 2010

Genie’s Wishes

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf….. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, “I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.”
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, “Come on in.” When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke my window?”
“Uh…yeah, sir. We’re sure sorry about that,” the husband replied.
“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself.”
“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”
“No problem,” said the genie. “You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life. And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked.
“I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said.
“Consider it done,” the genie said. “And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!”
“And now,” the couple asked in unison, “what’s your wish, genie?”
“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.”
The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think? ”
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?”
“You know I love you sweetheart,” said the husband. “I’d do the same for you!”

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked,

“How old are you and your husband?”

“Why, we’re both 35,” she responded breathlessly.

“NO SHIT. Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?”

 

 

Balls

June 28, 2010

Balls

INTERESTING OBSERVATION?

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL?.

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING?

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

     


5 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

and….

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: 

     
                       
The higher you go in the corporate structure,

the smaller your balls become.

 

 

Old Age

June 21, 2010

Old AGE !…..

 An older couple was lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling a sleep,

 but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second,

 and tried to get back to sleep.

 A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated,

 he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. “Then you use to bite my neck.”

Angrily,

 he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going ?” she asked.

Do you know what the answer?

“To get my teeth!”

 

 

  

  

 

Master Key

May 11, 2010

Girl: I have had sex with 4 boys & you have done it with 8 girls,

still everybody calls me a SLUT & calls you a REAL MAN.

 

Please explain.

 BOY: Very simple. When a lock is opened by many keys,

it becomes a BAD  LOCK. But when a key opens many locks,

 it becomes a MASTER KEY!

 

 

 

What kind of meat

April 20, 2010

A man kills a deer and takes

it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that

 they won’t tell the kids what kind
of meat it is but will give them a clue and let them guess.
 

The kids were eager to know

what the meat was on their plates,
so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said,

‘it’s what mommy calls me sometimes.’

The little girl screams to her brother,

‘Don’t eat it, it’s an asshole!!!

For Boys Only

April 8, 2010

Ready boys

 scroll down

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now tell the name of the car

without scrolling up.

No cheating

Still can’t name the car.

So what are you watching?