Archive for the ‘Dialogue’ Category

Just Kidding

April 4, 2011

Wife asked her husband to describe her.

 

He said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”

She said,What does that mean?”

He said: – “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”

She said, “Oh that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?”


He saidI’m Just kidding….”

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Monkey in the plane

January 29, 2011

Monkey in the plane

 
once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.
 
 Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.
 
 The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey. 


 
 Officer: ‘When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Tying their belts’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were the air hostesses doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Saying Hello! Good morning!’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were the pilots doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Checking the system’ 
 
  Officer: ‘What were you doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Looking for my people’ 
 
 Officer: ‘After 10′ minutes what were the travelers doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Having beverages and snacks’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were the air hostesses doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Serving the travelers’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were the Pilots doing?’
 Monkey: ‘Handling the steering’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were you doing?’
 Monkey: ‘Eating & throwing’ 
 
 Officer: ‘After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Some were sleeping and some were reading’ 
 
  Officer: ‘What were the air hostesses doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Make up’ 
 
  Officer: ‘What were the pilots doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Handling the steering’ 
 
  Officer: ‘What were you doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Nothing’ 
 
 Officer: ‘Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘All were sleeping’ 
 
 Officer: ‘What were the pilots doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Handling the air sleeping.
 
 Officer: What were you doing? 
 Monkey: Handling the steering!!!! ! 

 
 No more Questions!!!

  

 

 

 

Can people predict the future

January 10, 2011

My mother can

A teacher asked one of the boys in her class,

“Can people predict the future with cards?”

His response was,

My mother can.”

The teacher replied,

Really?”

The young boy was quick to explain,

Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home”.

Malaysian Political Jokes

November 1, 2010

Six Malaysian jokes :


1.
Najib, Pak Lah, and Old man Mahathir were patrolling in a helicopter. Old Man Mahathir:

“If I drop a piece of RM1000 note from here, the person that picks it up must be very happy.”

 
Pak Lah:

 “If I throw two pieces of RM500notes down, it will make 2 persons happy. 

Najib:

 

“If I drop TEN pieces of RM100notes, there will be 10 happy people.”

 

The pilot murmuring to himself:

 

“Why don’t all of you just jump down from here, that will make 25 million people happy.”

 
 

 

2. Samy V wished to enhance his reputation by publishing a series of stamps with his portraits. 

1 month after the launch, Samy surveys its sales.

 

Post Office Chief:

“Not bad… but we got quite a number of complaints that the glue is not strong enough.”

 

Samy:  : “Really…?”

 

  “The glue seems ok.” 

 

 

 

 

Post Office Chief:: 

 “Yes, but every one spits on the front of the stamp ….”


3.  Midnight, Najib went for supper and bumped into a robber.

 

Najib was very angry: “I am the honorable Prime Minister!”  

 The robber : ‘Give me back my money’.

 

                     

 

4.  One fine day, Najib, Muyahiddin and parliament members were on the way to a meeting where they all crashed in an accident and was rushed to the hospital. 

The reporters were at the hospital,

 the  doctor shook his head

 

 

 

 We have done our best to rescue the PM but …”
Reporters:”How about Muyahiddin?”

The same response
Reporters:”Who have you saved?”

 The doctor was excited:”Malaysia is now saved!”

  

Samy: “Why does he not welcome me?”

Doc: “He is normal today (not insane).”

6.  Election campaign time — car load of politicians were involved in a car accident 

 

 

 

 

 

Few days later, the police in charge found the farmer and asked where all
the politicians were and was told that they had all been buried.

Police: “Did they all die?” 

 Farmer:

 “Hmmm, Samy was screaming that he is still alive when I buried him”

 

Police: “Then why you bury him anyway? 

 
 Farmer: “Because Samy never tells the truth.”

 

 

 

All the patients hurray for him but there is one patient who ignored Samy.

 

DURIAN JOKE

September 3, 2010

DURIAN JOKE ….here goes:

I was looking at a bunch durians and told the taukey:

“Penangites are interesting …”

The taukey ask:

“what do you mean?”

I said:

“don’t you think so, the names of these durian are cool”

The taukea smiled and proudly said:

“Do you wanna try ling-fung-jiao, it looks small, but it has this strong aroma. If not do you wanna try ling-qing-xia? not only it looks good, it taste bitter sweet.”

I said:

“alrite! alrite! lets try 2 of each”

Honestly after trying them , they do indeed tasted not bad at all. And then the taukea said:

“Do you wanna try our latest durian brand?”

I said: “You have new brands too!”

“Yes! This new brand is called Koh Tsu Khoon.”

I was amazed and ask:

“What is so special about this one?”

“This brand is actually not very special, but it has something that all other brand doesn’t have.”

“Err! and what is that?”

The taukea smiled and said:

“That is because this brand is BO HOOD(tak adak biji)”

ha ha ha haw haw haw!!!

 

Recycling

June 29, 2010

Recycling 

An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him. The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat.
The American asks :‘Do you eat the bread entirely?’
The Indian answers, ‘Of course!’
American : ‘We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to India .’
The Indian says nothing.
The American continues, ‘Do you eat this jelly with the bread?’
Indian : ‘Of course!’
American : ‘We do not. We eat fresh fruits for breakfast and then put the seeds and peels into a container. Later it is processed and transformed to jelly and sold to India .’
The Indian finally asks, ‘And what do you do with the condoms after using them?’
American : ‘We throw them away, of course!’
Indian : ‘We do not. We keep them in containers, process them transform them into chewing gum and sell it to the United States.’

 

Ah Beng Jokes

June 3, 2010

Well, it’s good to share some jokes and leak out the laughing gas…..  😀 😀

This one will make your day…

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.

 He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,

‘My Mobile No.. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610’

 

====================================

 Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .

 Friend: Really, what is he studying.

Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

 

 ==========================================

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.

DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.

Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

 

 ===========================================

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?

 Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?

Ah Beng : No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

 

 =========================================

 Ah Beng : People consider me as a ‘GOD’

Wife: How do you know??

Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh

 GOD! U have come again.

 

 ===========================================

 Ah Beng complained to the police: ‘Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.’

Police: ‘How the thief did not take TV?’

 Ah Beng : ‘I was watching TV news…’

 

=========================================

 Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying ‘Parking Fine’.

He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole ‘Thanks for complement.’

 

 =============================================

 How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?

 He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

 

 ===============================================

 Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot

 

 ==================================================

 

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings.

He picks it up and Says ‘Hello, how did you know I was here?’

 

 ===================================================

Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?

Man – This is a race, the winner will get the cup..

Ah Beng – If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

 

 ===================================================

 

Teacher: ‘I killed a person’ convert this sentence into future tense

Ah Beng : The future tense is ‘u will go to jail’

 

=====================================================

 Ah Beng told his servant: ‘Go and water the plants!’

Servant: ‘It’s already raining.’

 Ah Beng : ‘So what? Take an umbrella and go.’

 

=====================================================

A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the

Evening and not in the morning?

Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

 Have a good day!

Easy Ways to Die

January 1, 2010

  

Laught out loud

 

  

  

3 Easy Ways to Die :

Take a Cigar daily –

You will die 10 years early.

Drink Rum daily –

 You will die 30 years early.

Love Someone Truly –

You will die daily.

1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells

her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.


2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage –

Drink whenever you are SAD

After Marriage –

Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone

2. Tele-Vision

3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER –

Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..

4.. Love your friends not their sisters.

Love your sisters not their friends.

6.. Let us be generous like this :

 Four Ants are moving through a forest.

They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.

Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..

Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend –

You are missing SOME thing in your life.

If you HAVE a Girl Friend –

You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS,

PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.

Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness –

Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

10. Why Government do NOT

allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.

Because per Constitution,

you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

 

  

  

tengkp

Doctor and patient

November 24, 2009

laught out loud

 

 

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.

The boss says, “What happened to your ears?”

He says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.”

The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?”

 He says, “Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!”

************ **

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.”

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”  

********* **

A pipe burst in a doctor’s house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a doctor!.”  

The plumber quietly answered, “Neither did I when I was a doctor.”

 ************ **

A doctor said to his car mechanic, “Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.”

“Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every year.” 

************ **

The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”

“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”  

“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

************ **

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill 

 “Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

************ **

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill. 

  ************ **

The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”

“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”

   “Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

 ************ **

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”

 “Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

 ************ **

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill. 

  The plumber quietly answered, “Neither did I when I was a doctor.”

 ************ **

A doctor said to his car mechanic, “Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.”

“Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every year.”

  ************ **

The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”

“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”

 “Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

 ************ **

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill   

“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

************ **

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.” 

************ **

The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”

“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?” 

 “Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

************ **

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”

“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

 ************ **

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”

 ************ **

A fellow walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.”
So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

A few minutes later a nurse’s aid came out and asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.”
So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.

Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.”
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.
He said, “Shingles.”
The doctor said, “Where?”
He said, “Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?”

 ************ **

A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, “Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better.”

The voice on the other end of the line said, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”

 She said, “Yes, darling! She’s Sarah Finkel, in Room 302.”

 He said, “Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she’s had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she’s going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday.”

 The woman said, “Thank God! That’s wonderful! Oh! That’s fantastic! That’s wonderful news!”

 The man on the phone said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!”

 She said, “I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, doesn’t tell me a word!”

 ************ **

An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death’s door due to an
infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients are up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.

After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. “But doctor, you don’t understand,” they said, “Dad hasn’t walked in over a year!”

 

tengkp

 

Dentist & patient

September 28, 2009

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novocaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”

 The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”

The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.” 

Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.”

Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”

*

I thought, Miss Smith that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?

That’s right, Sir.

So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theater with a friend?

That was my dentist.

*

 

At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).

 

*

 

“Open wider.” requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.

 

“Good God!” he said startled. “You’ve got the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen – the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen.”

 

“OK Doc!” replied the patient. “I’m scared enough without you saying something like that twice.”

 

“I didn’t!” said the dentist. “That was the echo.”

 

*

 

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.

Patient: Well, without pain it’s cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.

Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!

Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.