Archive for the ‘Short story’ Category

Chinese way

November 23, 2011

I did it my way

An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”

As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Chinese covered his face and the trio ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face rather than his private part.The Chinese replied, “I don’t know about you……. but in my country, it’s the face that people recognize.”
 

Now do you understand why people always say Chinese people want FACE?

Advertisements

iPhone

August 24, 2011

It all began with an iPhone 

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday,
and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?


I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made
me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter’s birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon. 

It was around then that the fight started…

What my wife failed to recognize is that the
iRon can be integrated into the home
network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!! 
iHurt

Have iFun

The Son

November 10, 2010

These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning.

One is detained in the clubhouse,

and the other three are discussing about their children while

walking to the first tee.

“My son BIll,” says one, “has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. 

He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. 

He’s so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend  

a brand new home as a gift.”

 

 

The second man, not to be out done, tells how his son began his career

 

as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.

“George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months

he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift.”

The third man’s son, “Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage,

and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift”.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have

been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

“To tell the truth, I’m not very pleased with how my son turned out,”

he replies. “For 15 years, Frank’s been a hairdresser,

and I’ve just recently discovered he’s gay.

However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does

because his last three boyfriends have given him

a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates.”

 

Prized Goat

July 12, 2010

Prized Goat 

While working on a message the pastor heard a knock at his office door. “Come in,” he invited.

A contrite-looking man in threadbare clothes came in; pulling a goat on a rope, “Can I talk to you for a minute?” asked the man with his hat in his hand.

Wordlessly, the pastor indicated the chair and the man sat down in it gingerly. The goat proceeded to sniff around the office.

With one eye on the animal and one on the man, the pastor folded his hands on his desk and leaned forward, curious to hear the fellow’s story, “What can I do for you?”

“My family is hungry,” started the man. “So I stole this goat. But I feel that I have sinned. Would you please take it?”

“Certainly not,” said the minister.

“Then what should I do with it?” asked the man.

“Give it back to the man you stole it from, of course!” the pastor explained.

“I offered it to him, but he refused to take it. Now what should I do?”

“In that case,” the minister said, “It would be all right for you to keep it and feed your family.”

That seemed to settle things as far as the man was concerned.

“Thank you for your help, sir.”

With a lighter step, he walked out of the office, leading the goat on the rope behind him.

Later that afternoon when the minister returned home, he said to his wife as he walked in, “I have got a story to tell you.”

“I have something to tell you first,” she exclaimed. “Someone has stolen your goat!”

Letter to God

July 12, 2010

Letter to God

A little boy who wanted $100 very badly prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter to “God, USA,” they decided to send it to President Clinton.

The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $100 bill. Mr. Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5, and immediately sat down to write a thank you note to God which read,

“Dear God, Thank you for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C., and as usual, they deducted $95! I only got $5. But thanks anyway. “

 

 

A mechanic and a surgeon

July 4, 2010

 

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon, who was standing to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his sports car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute.”

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts, and when I finish this, it will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work?”

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic……….. . .

“TRY TO DO IT WHEN THE ENGINE IS RUNNING”.

Titanic

June 29, 2010

Titanic

An American Jew enters into a bar and sees a Chinese guy having a beer. He walks over and gives the Chinese guy a huge back hander which lays the poor guy out on the floor.
“What was that for?”, says the Chinaman.
“That”, says the Jew, “Was for bombing Pearl Harbour you bastards!”
The poor Chinese guy is lost. He says “Hey wait, I’m Chinese, not Japanese; it was the Japanese that bombed Pearl Harbour.”
The Jew says “Chinese, Japanese, you’re all the same to me.” So the Chinaman gives the American Jew a huge back hander that lays him out on the floor. The Jew is shocked.
“What was that for?”
“That was for sinking the Titanic”
“The Titanic!”, says the Jew. “The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!”
And the Chinese says “Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you’re all the same to me!”

 

 

The Arab Story

June 29, 2010

The Arab Story

An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally. So the call went out to the neighbouring states.

Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab and the surgery went through.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds, jewellery, and half a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a box of almond halwa (sweets). The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati’s kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him “This time also I thought that you would give me some thing like a Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery. But you gave only a card and a box of almond sweets.

To this the Arab replied “Can’t help it, Bapu….. Now I have Gujju blood in my veins!!”

Summer Job

June 29, 2010

Summer Job

Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell Bibles, so the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. He was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment, but hired him anyway.

So after the first days of work, they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, “How many bibles did you sell?”

The boy stood up and said, “35.”

“Is that all you sold?” the preacher asked.

“He looked at the second boy and asked him the same thing.

The boy said, “75.”

“That’s good,” the preacher replied. He didn’t want to ask the third boy but did. The boy with the speech impediment said, “I-I-I s-s-sold 175.”

The preacher was amazed and asked the boy how he managed to sell all those Bibles.

He said, “I-I-I t-t-t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-t-t-them or I will r-r-read it to t-t-t-t-them.”

 

 

The Butcher

June 29, 2010

In The Butcher’s Shop

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”
“I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”