Quick Dialoque Laughter

January 29, 2011

Quick Dialoque Laughter

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday


Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?

Customer: What other colors do you have?


Manager: Sorry, but I can’t give u a job. I don’t need much help.

Job Applicant: That’s all right. In fact I’m just the right person

 in this case. You see, I won’t be of much help anyway!!

Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?

Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

Diner: I can’t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!

Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it either.

Diner: You’ll drive me to my grave!

Waiter: Well, you don’t expect to walk there, do you?

Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.

Wife: I think he did, I’ve still got mine with me!



Man: Officer! There’s a bomb in my garden!

Officer: Don’t worry. If no one claims it within three days,

you can keep it.

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!

 

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Monkey in the plane

January 29, 2011

Monkey in the plane

 
once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.
 
 Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.
 
 The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey. 


 
 Officer: ‘When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Tying their belts’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were the air hostesses doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Saying Hello! Good morning!’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were the pilots doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Checking the system’ 
 
  Officer: ‘What were you doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Looking for my people’ 
 
 Officer: ‘After 10′ minutes what were the travelers doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Having beverages and snacks’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were the air hostesses doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Serving the travelers’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were the Pilots doing?’
 Monkey: ‘Handling the steering’ 
  
 Officer: ‘What were you doing?’
 Monkey: ‘Eating & throwing’ 
 
 Officer: ‘After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Some were sleeping and some were reading’ 
 
  Officer: ‘What were the air hostesses doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Make up’ 
 
  Officer: ‘What were the pilots doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Handling the steering’ 
 
  Officer: ‘What were you doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Nothing’ 
 
 Officer: ‘Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘All were sleeping’ 
 
 Officer: ‘What were the pilots doing?’ 
 Monkey: ‘Handling the air sleeping.
 
 Officer: What were you doing? 
 Monkey: Handling the steering!!!! ! 

 
 No more Questions!!!

  

 

 

 

Can people predict the future?

January 10, 2011

My mother can

A teacher asked one of the boys in her class,

“Can people predict the future with cards?” His response was,

My mother can.” The teacher replied,

Really?” 

The young boy was quick to explain,

“Yes, she takes one look at my report card and

tells me what will happen when my father gets home”.

Can people predict the future

January 10, 2011

My mother can

A teacher asked one of the boys in her class,

“Can people predict the future with cards?”

His response was,

My mother can.”

The teacher replied,

Really?”

The young boy was quick to explain,

Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home”.

2010 in review

January 9, 2011

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 5,200 times in 2010. That’s about 13 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 86 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 113 posts. There were 493 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 22mb. That’s about a picture per day.

The busiest day of the year was December 23rd with 215 views. The most popular post that day was IDIOTS OF THE YEAR.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were english1.cari.com.my, mail.yahoo.com, english.cari.com.my, en.wordpress.com, and mail.live.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for clapping hands animation, animated clapping hands, laughter by uncle teng, animated cars, and grinning cat.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

IDIOTS OF THE YEAR January 2010

2

Joke Dialog September 2009
8 comments

3

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD March 2010

4

Cartoons B September 2009

5

How to Make a Woman Happy August 2009

Circle of Friends

December 10, 2010

Always try to help a friend in need

Believe in yourself

Be brave…

but it’s ok to be afraid sometimes

Study hard

Give lots of love

Laugh often

Don’t be overly

concerned with your weight,

 it’s just a number

Always try to see the glass half full

Meet new people,

even if they look different to you

Remain calm,

even when it seems hopeless

 

Take lots of naps.

Be weird whenever you have the chance

Love your friends,

no matter who they are

Don’t waste food

RELAX

Take an occasional risk

Try to have a little fun each day.
…it’s important

Work together as a team

Share a joke with friends

Fall in love with someone…

…and say ‘I love you’ often

Express yourself creatively

 

 

Chinese Philosophy with a touch of humour

December 9, 2010

Chinese Philosophy…

with a touch of humour…

how true!

What Confucious will say today………

沒錢的時候,在馬路上騎自行車;
有錢的時候,在客廳裡騎自行車。
When without money, ride bicycle;
When have money, ride exercise machine.
 

沒錢的時候,想結婚;
有錢的時候,想離婚。
When without money, wish to get married;
When have money, wish to get divorced.

沒錢的時候,老婆兼秘書;
有錢的時候,秘書兼老婆。
When without money, wife becomes secretary;
When have money, secretary becomes wife
.

沒錢的時候,假裝有錢;
有錢的時候,假裝沒錢。
When without money, act like rich man;
When with money, act like poor man.

啊,都不講實話:
Man, O Man, never tells the truth:


說股票是毒品,都在玩;
說金錢是罪惡,都在撈;
Says sharemarket is bad but keeps speculating;
Says money is evil but keeps
accumulating.

說美女是禍水,都想要;
說高處不勝寒,都在爬;
Says women are trouble-makers but keeps desiring them;
Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.


說煙酒傷身體,就不戒;
說天堂最美好,都不去!!!
Says smoking & drinking is bad but keeps partaking;
Says heaven is good but
refused to go.  
 
過去把第一次留給丈夫;
現在把第一胎留給丈夫。
In the past, woman gives man their virginity;
Now, woman gives man their newborn baby

鄉下早晨雞叫人,
城裡晚上人叫雞;
In the rural area, chicken calls man awake;
In the cities, man calls for chickens
.

舊社會戲子賣藝不賣身,
新社會演員賣身不賣藝。
In the past, famous actresses will not sell their bodies;
Now, actresses will sell their bodies to become famous
 

人生是什麼?
What is life about?
 


1
歲時出場亮相
At one, YOU are the top priority

10 歲時功課至上
At ten, academic excellence is the top priority

20 歲時春心盪漾
At twenty, getting laid is the top priority

30 歲時職場對抗
At thirty, a good career is top priority

40 歲時身材發胖
At forty, keeping your body in shape is top priority

50 歲時打打麻將
At fifty, beating others at mahjong is top priority

60 歲時老當益壯
At sixty, keeping IT up is top priority

70 常常健忘
At seventy, remembering something is top priority

80 歲時搖搖晃晃
At eighty, moving around is top priority

90 歲時迷失方向
At ninety, knowing directions is top priority

100 歲時掛在牆上
At 100, having your portrait on the wall is top priority!


祝大家愉快,好好做人!
Wishing you all happiness! Be good!

Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Husbands

December 9, 2010

Released by Society for Prevention

of Cruelty to Husbands. 

Different Phases of a man:

 
After engagement:      Superman
After Marriage:             Gentleman
After 10 years:                Watchman
After 20 years:              Doberman

There is only one perfect child in the world and every Mother has it.

There is only one perfect wife in the world and every Neighbour has it

——— ——— ———
Man receives telegram:

Wife dead – should be buried or Cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

——— ——— ———
Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!

——— ——— ———
Fact of life:

One woman brings you into this world crying &
The other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your Life!
  

 
 

  

——— ——— ———
Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn’t spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!

——— ——— ———
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said,
“I’ve found a man just like father!”
Mother replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”

 ———— ——— ——— ———

 Prospective husband:

Do you have a book called

“Man, The Master of Women”?
 

Sales girl:

The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

——— ——— ——— ———   

The world’s thinnest book has only one word written in it:

“Everything” 

 
and the book is titled:

“What Women Want!”

  

——— ——— ——— ———  

A man who surrenders when he’s WRONG, is HONEST.

A man who surrenders when he’s NOT SURE, is WISE.

 A man who surrenders when he’s RIGHT, is a HUSBAND

 

——— ——— ——— ———

Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot and spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands are like Plain RICE, eaten when there`s no choice

Boh Kalau

November 10, 2010

Ah Lian was a pillion rider holding 2 big bags of durians
when their motorbike rode over a hump
in the town of Balik Pulau in front of the bus terminal.

The rider, her husband, Ah Beng heard the loud

‘ bang ! ‘

He asked Ah Lian, 

‘ Durian wu kalau boh ? ‘ 

( Have you dropped the durian ? )

Ah Lian shouted:  

‘Boh kalau !’  

‘Boh Kalau !’

‘Boh Kalau !’

 

 So Ah Beng did not bothered and

continued with the journey along the long

and winding road towards Paya Terubong.  

When they reached home in Bayan Lepas,

 Ah Beng got down from his motobike,

he was shocked to see that Ah Lian was not wearing  her helmet. 

He asked Ah Lian: ‘Where is your helmet ?’

 

Ah Lian was very angry and replied:

‘Just now I already told you

BOH KALAU ! 

BOH KALAU !

(helmet dropped)  

but  you  didn’t  stop !’

 
 
 

 

The Son

November 10, 2010

These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning.

One is detained in the clubhouse,

and the other three are discussing about their children while

walking to the first tee.

“My son BIll,” says one, “has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. 

He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. 

He’s so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend  

a brand new home as a gift.”

 

 

The second man, not to be out done, tells how his son began his career

 

as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.

“George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months

he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift.”

The third man’s son, “Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage,

and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift”.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have

been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

“To tell the truth, I’m not very pleased with how my son turned out,”

he replies. “For 15 years, Frank’s been a hairdresser,

and I’ve just recently discovered he’s gay.

However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does

because his last three boyfriends have given him

a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates.”