Laughter by Uncle Teng

Chinese way

Uncle Teng — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 09:24:23 +0000

I did it my way

An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”

As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Chinese covered his face and the trio ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face rather than his private part.The Chinese replied, “I don’t know about you……. but in my country, it’s the face that people recognize.”

Now do you understand why people always say Chinese people want FACE?

Just send the bottle back

Uncle Teng — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 05:11:43 +0000

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot (wine) to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, ‘This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.’ He indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:

‘For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants’.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:

‘Just to let you know things aren’t always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami, and San Francisco, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches.

‘Just send the bottle back.’

iPhone

Uncle Teng — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:05:17 +0000

It all began with an iPhone…

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday,
and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made
me very happy when she bought me an iPad.
Our daughter’s birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started…

What my wife failed to recognize is that the
iRon can be integrated into the home
network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!
iHurt

Have iFun

Little Jonny

Uncle Teng — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 06:25:54 +0000

These should bring a smile to your face.

Little Johnny’s at it again…… A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, ‘Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”
(This is my favorite)

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, ‘Dad, why are you doing that?’ His father replied, ‘because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, ‘Dad, I think the mailman wants to buy Mom …’

If this brightened your day, don’t let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They like Johnny too you know!

Is the investment in education worth it?

Uncle Teng — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 08:00:22 +0000

BRILLIANT STATEMENTS ABOUT THE WAY THINGS REALLY ARE!!

* Most ‘First Class’

students become Doctors and some Engineers

* Those who get a ‘Second Class’,

pass the MBA, become Administrators and control the ‘First Class’

* The ‘Third Class’ passes,

enter politics and become Ministers and control both above

* Last, but not the least,

The ‘Failures’ join the underworld and control all the above

This is what sorry looks like

Uncle Teng — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 07:44:39 +0000

This is what
SORRY
LOOKS LIKE.

This is what

Tired

Looks like.

This is what

Bad spelling

Looks like…

This is what

Intimacy

Looks like.

This is what

Courage

Looks like.

This is what

‘good grief!!’

Looks like.

This is what your

Tax dollars

Look like.

This is what

‘I can wait’

Looks like.

This is what

Impatience looks like.

This is what a

Helping hand

Looks like

This is what

Cold

Looks like.

This is what a

Bad mood

Looks like

It doesn’t matter how many people you send this to.

Just remember if it made you smile . . . your friends will smile too!

Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so . . .

‘Love the people who treat you right. Pray for those who don’t.’

Just Kidding

Uncle Teng — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 07:11:20 +0000

Wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”

She said, “What does that mean?”

He said: - “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”

She said, “Oh that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?”

He said “I’m Just kidding….”

Through Years After Wedding

Uncle Teng — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 15:27:18 +0000

Breakfast change during years after wedding:

1st. Year

2nd. Year

3rd. Year

4th. year

5th. year

After 10 year

After 20 year

After 25 year

When I was small

Uncle Teng — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 07:55:15 +0000

When I was small

I was very mischievous.

I used to break rocks with my head
Used to play with Basketball !



Used to Take a ride on Comodo Dragon !



Swimming with my dolphin

Even make a lion frighten

Used to Challenge the police !

Give bath to my Ajgar !

Used to Race with cars !

Go skating !

Always Made new friends !!

Surf on the waves !

Now I am s/w engg !

I Just sit on a chair !

If You Like this email Do forward to your Fiends

A DISAPPOINTED SALESMAN

Uncle Teng — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 07:31:49 +0000

Laughter by Uncle Teng

Chinese way

I did it my way

Now do you understand why people always say Chinese people want FACE?

Just send the bottle back

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:

‘For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants’.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:

‘Just send the bottle back.’

iPhone

Have iFun

Little Jonny

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’

Is the investment in education worth it?

* Most ‘First Class’

students become Doctors and some Engineers * Those who get a ‘Second Class’,

pass the MBA, become Administrators and control the ‘First Class’ * The ‘Third Class’ passes,

enter politics and become Ministers and control both above * Last, but not the least,

The ‘Failures’ join the underworld and control all the above

This is what sorry looks like

Just Kidding

Wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.” She said, “What does that mean?” He said: - “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.” She said, “Oh that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?”

He said “I’m Just kidding….”

Through Years After Wedding

Breakfast change during years after wedding:

1st. Year

2nd. Year

3rd. Year

4th. year

5th. year

After 10 year

After 20 year

When I was small

When I was small

I was very mischievous.

A DISAPPOINTED SALESMAN

A DISAPPOINTED SALESMAN

students become Doctors and some Engineers

* Those who get a ‘Second Class’,

pass the MBA, become Administrators and control the ‘First Class’

* The ‘Third Class’ passes,

enter politics and become Ministers and control both above

* Last, but not the least,

He said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”

She said, “What does that mean?”

He said: - “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”

She said, “Oh that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?”